‘Devil Inside’ a test of faith

I’ve always been a sucker for horror films, and this can even include some real stinkers. My personal horror collection is around 130 titles, and includes gems like “Candyman” and “Re-animator” and junk like “The Gate” and “Xtro.” I have the entire run of the “Nightmare on Elm Street” series, “Hellraiser,” and even all of the “Saw” movies. “The Devil Inside” will never join this collection.
My favorite genre of horror film falls into the “haunting/possession” category, and “The Exorcist” is still my favorite horror film to this day.  I’m not a huge fan of the “found footage” style of film either, but I’m not against it. I liked “Cloverfield” and “Paranormal Activity,” but thought “Blair witch Project” was dumb.
So you can see how a movie like “The Devil Inside” would appeal to me, right? I don’t watch TV much, so I didn’t even hear about this movie until the day before it hit theaters. Now, I’ve been burned before with “The Last Exorcism,” which had a lot of build up and then just fell apart at the end. I deserved that one, though. I broke my cardinal rule of never watching a horror film that got a PG-13 rating, because they all suck.
“The Devil Inside” is rated R, and so was ripe for viewing. The trailer looked great, and I was ready for some devilish mayhem with heads a-spinning and pea soup a-puking. And I ended up watching the number one selling film of the weekend.
If you do a little research, you’ll discover that this movie currently holds a six percent professional rating and a 25 percent viewer rating. This reveals that there are a disturbing number of inbred people watching movies. Seriously, six percent is worse than “Gigli,” and they had to kill everybody involved with that one. Yes, that’s correct, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are actually body doubles now.
The real tragedy is that it was almost a good movie. The premise was solid and the few scenes of exorcism were genuinely frightening. It’s too bad that the filmmakers seem to have gotten bored with making a movie and decided to call it a day and take up macramé or something. I’m convinced that this film was merely a way to trick investors into giving the filmmakers and actors a trip to Italy.
You’ll hear reviewers attempt to be tactful about the ending without spoiling anything, and you’ll read tweets from jackasses who don’t understand what went wrong with the movie. I heard one person laugh about how they had just gotten trolled by a movie. No, no, no, you got robbed of 13 bucks by a movie that had less payoff than the end of a bottle of ipecac.
I’m not that nice of a guy, but I will warn you of spoilers right now. Seriously, I’m going to ruin the ending of the movie. That’s enough warning, so if I get an email from anyone complaining about me ruining the film for you, you will be ridiculed.
Ready? The big secret ending of “The Devil Inside” is THERE IS NO ENDING. The movie ends with the characters suffering from a huge dose of demon possession, and they’re heading towards the home of some rock star exorcist, they get into a wreck and the screen goes dark directing you to a website. This is criminal filmmaking.
There have been cop-out endings and deus ex machina endings, but I’ve never seen an ending that makes the audience have to go to Youtube afterwards to get anything remotely resembling closure.
I’m very serious when I say that if I hear that they’re making a sequel to this complete waste of time, then I swear I will hire a gang of pygmies to speedbag the reproductive organs of everyone involved.
I was willing to boycott Warner Brothers for nearly 15-years over a number of bad decisions and worse movies, and I’m willing to do the same for Paramount or any studio who encourages this type of filmmaking.