The Golden Globes has pretty much just become a night for people to dress up in designer outfits and giggle their way through dropping as many expletives on broadcast TV as possible. The Globes were always considered the Oscars’ little brother, but now that brother also has to wear a bike helmet everywhere.

Every channel thinks it needs an awards show now, too. Spike TV has the Guys Choice Awards and the Video Game Awards. If Spike absolutely has to have an award show, they may as well just combine the two and add the AVN Awards to the mix and just get it over with. They can call it the “Unemployed Basement-Dweller’s Choice Award.”

Now that every channel needs an awards show, the older, more respected awards decided that rather than keep their integrity, they had to stoop to becoming more youthful and exciting, and the Oscars have finally hit the wall too.

It’s one thing that the Academy Awards don’t broadcast many of the technical achievements, since the majority of the world doesn’t follow the latest trends in CGI rendering software. But the Oscars really weren’t intended to be on the same level as “Circus of the Stars.”

First, they had to remove all integrity and replace it with blatant attempts at showing that Hollywood isn’t, in fact, racist by giving Denzel Washington an Oscar over Russell Crowe, and Halle Berry over Dame Judi Dench of all people. As a result, the Oscars got a reputation for being even more racist. Way to go.

Recently, the Academy Awards decided it needed higher ratings, and so it was decided to increase the number of Best Picture nominees from five to 10. I’m sorry, but it’s been at least an entire decade since more than five Oscar worthy films have come out in a year. The only reason I could see to add five more films was to keep James Cameron and his legion of “Avatar” fans from having histrionics.

It was even worse in 2011, in which nearly all Best Picture nominees had their movies clumped around the actual awards night. The Oscars turned out to be a big commercial for films people wouldn’t have otherwise seen, much less have heard of. “Winter’s Bone” anyone?

They also thought having young, hip actors hosting the awards would bring a hip, young audience. Unfortunately, nobody managed to make James Franco even aware that he was hosting the Oscars rather than attending a film directing class.

I predict that the Oscars are willing to stoop even lower to attract a bigger audience, with the addition of many new categories, including “Best product placement,” “Best film starring a respected actor in a demeaning role,” and “Best fart joke in a Dreamworks animated film.”